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Post by minty on Jul 21, 2017 16:42:55 GMT
TURBO STILL MAKES YOU LOOK DAFT ON OCCASIONS:
Years back I was driving along the A31 in my FM2, over taking a car when a TYPICAL Tailgate McNoIndicate CANOE CAME RIGHT UP MY rear canoe (nooo!). SO, I drop to 4th and unleash all 240 ponies YEAH BWAAAAWWP.....5 seconds later I notice said Tailgate McNoIndicate is STILL RIGHT UP MY rear canoe, so I pull over to slow lane and it flies past like IM STATIONARY ......V10 M5 DAMMIT!!!!
Lesson learnt - even turbo 5's are slow in a straight line lol.
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tsp
Chats A Lot
Posts: 439
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Post by tsp on Jul 21, 2017 20:50:20 GMT
SUN IN MY BARSTARD EYES.
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Post by myothercarsa2cv on Jul 23, 2017 17:47:08 GMT
TRYING TO GET HOME FROM BELFAST. GENUINELY THE EARLIEST I HAVE EVER GOT TO THE AIRPORT FOR A FLIGHT AND THEY BLOODY WELL DELAY IT BY AN HOUR AND A HALF FOR 'OPERATIONAL ISSUES'. NO prarrie canoe SHERLOCK YOU'RE HAVING ISSUES OPERATING, WE HADN'T NOTICED YOU BASTARDS. NORMALLY THIS WOULDN'T BOTHER ME BUT MY 10 MONTH OLD IS GIVING ME GRIEF ABOUT IT. ME! THE DAMN CHEEK OF IT. IF THERE WAS A SINGLE FECKING AIRPORT WORKER ABOUT I'D SHOW THEM WHAT THE LITTLE ONE THINKS OF IT ALL. ARGHHHHHHH!
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Post by stillettorebel on Jul 24, 2017 0:05:33 GMT
Not strictly driving-related but deffo car-related...
MY WIFE HAD ANOTHER MOTORIST (I refuse to call Australians 'drivers' - because they're not) PULL OUT OF A SIDE JUNCTION AND WRITE OFF HER CAR. GOOD. I HATED THAT CanoeING 323 ANYWAY.
SO WE HAVE BEEN SHOPPING FOR A NEW CAR FOR HER. WE FIND A 2010 HONDA JIZZ. GOOD CONDITION AND CONVERTED TO LPG (ftw. Will run on air) AS WELL, ACCORDING TO THE ADVERT. PHONE UP THE DEALER. "OH YEAH", HE SAYS, "THIS THING'S PRISTINE. NOT A SCRATCH". HE SAYS HE OPENS AT 9AM. SATURDAY MORNING TOMTOM IS ON FORM AND I RACE IT FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF TO THE DEALER'S DESTINATION, GETTING THERE AT 8.20.
Canoe DOESN'T TURN UP UNTIL 9.40. I'M FUMING ALREADY. HE OPENS UP AND TELLS ME HE DID A DRIVE PAST AT 8.40 BUT I WASN'T HERE SO HE WENT TO THE BANK. HE OPENS UP THE GARAGE AND THERE'S THE JIZZ... MASSIVE CARPARK DINT ON THE DRIVER'S DOOR, PRETTY MUCH THROUGH TO THE METAL. I WALK AROUND IT AND THERE'S A DINT OR SCRATCH ON VIRTUALLY EVERY PANEL. EARS, STEAM. I OPEN THE BOOT. NO LPG SYSTEM. I GO CanoeING THERMONUCLEAR.
"CanoeING LIAR!!" I HISS. "ADVERT SAYS LPG. YOU SAID IT WAS PRISTINE AND NOT A SCRATCH. AND I WAS HERE AT 8.20 AND YOU DEFINITELY DID NOT DRIVE PAST. GET CanoeED YOU Canoe. YOU'RE FULL OF prarrie canoe!!" AND I WALKED AWAY. HE LOOKED LIKE SOMEONE HAD SLAPPED HIM WITH A FISH, HIS JAW WAS ON THE FLOOR.
CanoeING CAR SALESMEN.
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Post by Fizbne on Jul 24, 2017 8:19:49 GMT
FKIN CUN GET FKED BLOODY CRIMS, NO WONDER THEY SENT THEM OVER THERE THIEVING BASTARSD.
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Post by martiny on Jul 24, 2017 10:27:38 GMT
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Post by Meerkat on Jul 24, 2017 11:05:36 GMT
Damn, the guy is completely deranged
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Post by Bilbo on Jul 24, 2017 11:30:34 GMT
Hahaha, the bit where he pointed at the kid was the best.
"YOU'RE UNDER A CITIZEN'S ARREST, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE TOO!"
The kid's just sat there like "wut".
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Post by minty on Jul 24, 2017 11:41:26 GMT
HAHAHAHAHA CITIZENS ARREST (I'M A POLICEMAN DONT YOU KNOW!!)
He probably just got back from a viewing of that Jazz. |
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Post by wannabe on Jul 24, 2017 14:09:27 GMT
I've always wondered about that Citizen's Arrest stuff - do you just have to say it and then sit on them until the fuzz turn up?
Might be waiting a while, given how long it takes some of them to turn up to anything that doesn't involve immediately life-threatening situations.
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Post by minty on Jul 24, 2017 15:08:19 GMT
Go up to a group of scallywags and try it out......  |
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Post by myothercarsa2cv on Jul 25, 2017 8:17:36 GMT
DID I MISS THE MEMO FROM DVLA OR WHATEVER THE Canoe THEY'RE CALLED THESE DAYS THAT THE LANE DISCIPLINE RULES HAVE BEEN SCRAPPED AND WE ARE ALL TO DRIVE LIKE MORONIC AMERICANS IN THE SAME CanoeING LANE FOREVER AND NEVER MOVE OUT OF THE WAY OF THE BIG WHITE NISSAN THAT WANTS TO COME PAST???!!!
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Post by Bilbo on Jul 25, 2017 9:45:37 GMT
I MUST USE THE MIDDLE LANE AS IN THREE MILES I NEED TO KEEP RIGHT AT THE SLIP ROAD.
Or my personal favourite:
MY COMPANY VAN IS LIMITED TO 60MPH BUT I'M HELLBENT ON OVERTAKING THIS HATCHBACK THAT'S DOING 59. *Three hours later* YES! PASSED HIM, TAKE THAT EURO HATCH PEASANTS.
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Post by Bilbo on Jul 25, 2017 9:46:55 GMT
I HAVE AN EVEN BIGGER FAVOURITE!
Oh I see you're trying to join this dual carriageway, ALLOW ME TO NOT MOVE TO THE RIGHT TO LET YOU IN.
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Post by wannabe on Jul 25, 2017 12:14:47 GMT
Lane discipline on motorways and dual carriageways drives me Canoeing insane (sorry, CanoeING INSANE) - extensive use of the right indicator and/or undertaking is required to actually make progress!
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le sigh