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Post by atlex on Dec 16, 2016 13:57:32 GMT
Some context:
My ladyfriend / waifu is in Ukraine and I've been waiting to get well enough to go and spend a few months with her. Work-wise I'm a contractor so I could go as my contract is near its end anyway and as some of you know, I've been unwell so not actually working. contractor-lyfe.
So the journey:
So I set off on Tuesday ... on what should have been a 20 hour journey but turned into 25 hours because of "belgium". And the crossing on eurostar which should have taken 1 hour took.. 4 because.. you know, broken trains. It was tuesday the 13th obviously.
Yes, I've now ridden on a "truck" eurostar and it is interesting with all that space above.
Anyway, a brief review of the proceeding three-day journey..
France : a few KMs of beautiful road quality before racing into Belgium. It is the highway of europe as far as I'm concerned.
Belgium : Where every way I try to do it, I have to go via Antwerp.
I've spent some time in Antwerp and it hasn't improved traffic-wise in the intervening years. Frankly the idea of crossing london at rush hour is more appealing.
Belgium, despite holding some data of mine and containing some friends and excellent kebabs, frankly, shouldn't exist.
2 hours to cross 20 KMs. Yup.
Finally I escape Belgium, which having done so before, I know is quite a feat... I race for Eindhoven in the..
Netherlands: The perfect society. Everything is well-ordered, just the way the Germans left it. Praat jy Nederlands ?
I speed across it because I really want to spend the night in..
Germany: I love Germany. Germans are more english than you can imagine. Seriously, spend some time there. Also their picturesque little towns (dorfs or dorpen) are spectacular and make places like Amersham seem like a red-brick dump.
Germany also is a place where you can buy 102ron race fuel at a normal gas station. And the drivers on the autobahn are quite thoughtful. Perfect roads only better than french ones because they aren't french and there isn't a toll.... and there's no 130kmh limit.
I end up spending the Tuesday night in an 'autostop Montana' style motel after looking for a bed for about an hour. Actually it was awesome. Don't be afraid of them. <B Germans. Good breakfast too. They'd love to be Americans. American concepts and memes still dominate them post-war. Inescapable.
It helps if you speak german, which I do to some degree:
an example of a german joke: "Bitte Dutzen-Sie Mich"
transliterated this is "please, (you-informal)-(formal-you) me"
Which literally translates as " Please sir/madam, call me 'you'. "
The joke being that you are asking them to be informal with you while asking them to do so in the formal way.. the du/sie thing. du is informal.. sie is formal.
If you don't get it.. nevermind. Anyway, you do the same canoe in english you just never notice it because english is an insane language but we love it so.
OK, so let's discuss Poland..
Poland is awesome. I love Poles. Ask me about 303 squadron. Greatest damned fighter pilots to ever fly the skies in defence of another nation, especially our beloved Britain.
Sadly despite my love of poles they suffer a bit of a crab-bucket motorway mentality. Like italians and spanish .. if you're infront of them they *really* need to pass you, while flashing their lights etc. That said they're friendly (when you get to know them) and many speak good german. Their autoroute hotels are staffed by people who speak great english also. Thank god because I'd hate to have to speak german with a pole. Better to suffer in english, or sign language, or even french.
"sprachen-sie englishe (hopeful) ? deutsche (probable) ? fransozische (miracle) ?" ordering is important along with the necessary sign language, which I don't know.
The polish autoroute hotel was kind-of like the german one only more like a drinking man's club. pool table. TV room.
Poles and Germans have more in common at certain levels of society than they are comfortable admitting. Anyway. I reached the end of Poland...
OK, that is enough monologue for now.
In the next post.. crossing from Poland to Ukraine.
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Post by moro on Dec 16, 2016 14:18:44 GMT
And you're doing it in the 5? Brave man!
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Post by myothercarsa2cv on Dec 16, 2016 14:59:14 GMT
Amazing. One thing to add about Belgium is that they are fond of crashing in to one another as well. Polish pilots had the highest kill rate in the RAF during WWII I believe. Certainly their contribution is somewhat forgotten these days  |
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Post by Meerkat on Dec 16, 2016 15:49:31 GMT
A very entertaining read. Good work  |
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Post by chris71 on Dec 16, 2016 18:07:17 GMT
Nice read. Hope the next leg of the journey goes well and look forward to reading about it.  |
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Post by Dweenimus on Dec 16, 2016 19:42:17 GMT
How many mpgs you getting? I tend to get much better mileage on long runs, you must be up to 60mpg on this one š
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Post by atlex on Dec 16, 2016 19:47:59 GMT
So crossing from Poland into Ukraine. First, you're going to have to have an EU non-polish passport. Otherwise you're going to queue. A lot. They're absolutely paranoid at the border. It's like something from the 1930s. PAPERS PLEASE. I had the 15 minute version but the Ukrainians get the full inspection. They looked at my box of 6 bottles of french wine and didn't even look further. MX5s right ? I happened to be carrying an axe, several knives and a bottle of whisky. I had documentation for all the knives (they are ukrainian). First there is the pre-inspection where they write down the license plate of your car. You then drive on.. to the border guard. Then they look at your passport. Then they look at your car's passport (the V5 - did I mention you need all your car's documentation, in your own name ?) Then they inspect your car for contraband... Then you do this with the Ukrainian border guards, all over of the above repeated. Seriously... only they do it slower. Then, with luck, should you be the correct person in possession of all the correct paperwork.. you do get let into Ukraine. By a soldier, at a gate, with an AK-74. Who knows to let your car through, because they radio'd your registration to him 60 seconds before and he wrote it down on a piece of paper. And then driving in Ukraine.. Imagine you're driving in scotland, in winter, in the 1960s. yes, up near fort william. Pine forests, single carriageway highway. People walking along the road. Crossing nervously. Icey. OK.. enough for now  |
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Post by atlex on Dec 16, 2016 22:03:30 GMT
So a little follow-up, clarification.. and yes I am rather fond of knives, guns, etc. standard human male, right ? For Ukrainians and non-EU citizens, it can be a several-hour-long border crossing affair. They have websites monitoring the situation. It's that bad. Very little social trust at the border. Paranoid about things. FFS stop editing my posts. I don't care about racism. I just care about reality. The EU is trying to solve this problem but the truth is Ukraine is a borderland itself. The meaning is "Borderland". It's a lovely place tho. Once you're inside Ukraine, the social trust goes higher than you see even in scotland or yorkshire or somerset - even in the cities... it seems you can park your car anywhere in a city centre and they won't move it or ticket it or anything. As long as you behave yourself in a neat way, you are left alone. Fewer rules at a day to day level. I badly want to find a nice iced up carpark and test out my winter tyres. The waifu will not be impressed. |
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Post by atlex on Dec 16, 2016 22:09:50 GMT
How many mpgs you getting? I tend to get much better mileage on long runs, you must be up to 60mpg on this one š I haven't been counting (I hate counting) but I could tell the difference between 95 and 98 ron fuel. I get better mileage on 98ron, measurable by the speed at which the tank empties. Sadly with a 5 speed 1.8 your mpg at 90+mph is probably in the 25-30 range rather than the 30-40. A diesel this isn't. higher than 95ron isn't a universal given here in Ukraine. Thankfully my 1.8 euphonic rusty slag is more or less always fed 95ron in the UK.. on principle that I need a car that can run on weak-ass unleaded petroleum. |
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Post by atlex on Dec 16, 2016 22:17:23 GMT
BTW in context.. I've filled a few passports at this ripe old age of 35, but this is the first time I've ever crossed from germany to poland, first time I've ever driven in poland, and only the second time I've visited poland.
I've tended to concentrate my earlier travels on western europe, hence the "heads east"
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Post by atlex on Dec 19, 2016 11:58:04 GMT
OK... time to help you with the help of Boris.
BLEEN! How to SLAV your car.
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Post by atlex on Dec 19, 2016 12:02:27 GMT
Welcome to my life.
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Post by atlex on Dec 20, 2016 17:14:58 GMT
I am of learning polish with "life of boris". !! next leg of journey starts thursday.. up to a polish ski resort. |
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Post by atlex on Dec 20, 2016 18:18:27 GMT
Some photos..  First fill in Ukraine. First petrol station after crossing. "Pulls" yes. Pulls, as in, 0-60 pulls. Actual petrol station named this. 95 octane.. they didn't claim 98.  English Students try Marmite for the first time ever. Yes, that is a tub of marmite on the table. And they all claimed to like it....... ...... I like marmite and even I'm not sure what to make of that. I did taste some at the start to prove it wasn't poison. It was delicious. And yes, with a cup of tea, hence the tea.  How I've been rocking the watch.. on the wheel.. I've repaired this watch myself. It's way too complex but suits the interior of the car.  Carcoat damphands to the full effect ! Hello girls ! |
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Post by Rickster on Dec 20, 2016 20:13:02 GMT
Splendid thread!
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